Our little Dillard's adventure

On Fridays Emerson goes to preschool from 9:30-noon, and Jax and mommy run errands. It's a glorious day for me, as I get to get out of the house with only one child, and Emerson enjoys going to pee-school (as she calls it) SO MUCH. So, much to my dismay, her preschool was cancelled this past Friday due to the cold. I know, it sounds strange, but it hasn't been above freezing for quite some time now in these here parts, and the area schools were closed Thursday and Friday. Mommy had errands that were pressing, however, so both kiddos were loaded into the SUV, and off we went.

We spent an hour or so in the mall, returning a few items from Christmas. Jax nurses at 11:30 every day, so as we approached that time, I whipped the double stroller around and headed toward Dillard's on the 2nd floor. There's a particular dressing room that I have discovered and claimed as my very own nursing sanctuary... it's got a little sitting area in the middle of the two hallways of changing rooms, and it has comfortable chairs and enough room to park a double stroller without being in anyone's way. I fed the ManChild while Emerson oohed and aahed over women who came out to look at themselves in the 3-way mirror. "Oooh, it's so pitty! Yook, Mommy! Yook!" My child is quite the sanguine.

Anywho, to make a long story short, I got home & realized I couldn't find my phones anywhere. I'm using two phones right now because I dropped my Blackberry in the sink & these two are Jason's old ones... I have to use one to make/receive calls & the other one has my contacts... they wouldn't convert over on my sim card...sometimes I really hate technology.

I looked at the home phone and Dillard's had called & left a message saying they found my phone in a dressing room and would be holding it for me. The kids were already down for their naps, so when they woke up, we piled back in the car & trekked back to Dillard's. I entered on the lower floor by the men's shoes & suits, because I had to use the elevator to get to the 3rd floor. I pushed the button for the elevator and waited... and waited... and waited... Finally, I decided to actually look at the elevator doors, and there was taped a large white sign reading 'Elevator Out of Order. Please use the escalator.' Nice. Had I not 'accidentally' looked at the elevator doors, I might still be waiting for the darn thing.

I found a salesman who seriously had to be about 87 years old and asked if they had a service elevator since I couldn't use the escalator with a stroller. He adamantly said NO, that the elevator was broken. I said that I understood that the customer elevator was broken but was wondering if I could use the service or freight elevator. I thought using another word might help him understand. He again unbelievably told me they didn't have one. Riiiiight... listen here, Pappy, I might be young, but I wasn't born yesterday. You think the women's clothing just magically appears on the 3rd floor? Huh? Sorry, back to the story.

I realize that I'll have to go out to the mall & use the glass elevator near the carousel, but after I had walked about 50 yards outside of Dillard's, I remembered that the mall elevator would only take me to the 2nd floor... hence the need to actually be inside Dillard's to get to the 3rd floor. Wow, I'm sharp. I walk right back to the same gentleman and once again voiced my predicament. This time he realized I wasn't giving up or going away, so he got on the phone and asked the person at the other end if there was anyone who knew how to use the freight elevator. Ah hah! I knew it! It was funny because he was talking quietly, hoping I wouldn't hear him actually say the words 'freight elevator.' Next thing I know, another older gentleman walks our way and says, "Right this way, ma'am. We're hoping to find a dock person that knows how to use our freight elevator." So naturally I'm assuming there's some sort of elaborate, complicated system of levers or pulleys associated with said dock elevator, and low & behold, after we walked back through the secret passageways of Backstage Dillard's, there sat an elevator with buttons that said strange things such as DOOR OPEN, LEVEL 1, LEVEL 2, and even DOOR CLOSE. Shocking, I know.

Now the kids, mind you, are enjoying every second of this ride. When you walk back to the Dillard's catacombs, there is no heat, so they're freezing their little tushies off, but Emerson keeps whipping her head around and announcing, "Mommy, this is uh-venture! Yeah!" Doesn't take much to entertain my children, I guess. Oh, I did have the presence of mind to pull out my digital camera to document our fun times:

Another long story short, we get up the 3rd floor to the customer service department, and they only have one of my phones. They have a hard time understanding why I have two phones to begin with, but I tell them it's too complicated to explain. So I load the kids back into the freight elevator and go to Level 2 to search the Dressing Room-O-Breastfeeding. It wasn't there, but I did get to speak momentarily with the Elizabeth, the African-American woman who I think used to be a man. Anyone know who I'm talking about? She's something, that one. She suggested I talk to the saleswoman across the aisle. Sure enough, saleswoman #2 said she did, in fact, take 2 phones to customer service. So back up the cold, uh-venturous elevator to Level 3. Customer service had my phone the whole time, but they just had it listed under 'anonymous,' because really, why would anyone come looking for 2 phones?

Phones back in hand, freight elevator behind us, the mall fading into the sunset of a sub-freezing January day... ahhh, the life of a stay-at-home knucklehead.

Peace out.