It feels strange to admit that a diagnosis of any kind is a relief. But this one was.
MS. Multiple Sclerosis.
What?? It's a little surreal to type that. And to take ownership of it. But today after hearing those words from the neurologist, I've felt nothing but peace and hope. Let me explain how . . .
You see, I had my MRI on Friday morning, and Friday afternoon the neuro's office called to say they needed me to bring my husband with me the following week to discuss some spots that showed up. OK, side note to anyone out there making those types of phone calls. Wait until Monday. An entire weekend is a long time to wait and know NOTHING. I fought fear all weekend. #IWon . . . scratch that . . . #JesusWon . . . but nevertheless, it was a fight.
Let me rewind for the whole story. In college my tongue went numb for a couple of days, and I was having some vision issues. My mom decided not to mess around, so I had an MRI and visited with two neurologists. They saw a few lesions, but both felt that there weren't enough to really be worried.
Then about a year ago, the left side of my face began to spasm in various places, from my eye to my cheek to my lip to my neck. Not all at once, but usually every location would twitch at least daily. There was a span of two weeks where my eye didn't stop twitching. These symptoms would come and go—sometimes annoying, sometimes not bothersome at all.
About two months ago, I woke up to Bell's Palsy symptoms on the left side of my face. Dr. Stacy from My Doctor (great urgent care, by the way) put me on a steroid regimen, and it cleared up almost completely. The only residual symptoms are my left nostril not flaring all the way and my lower left lip can't fully stretch out (but really, how many times in a day am I doing either of these?). So they're tolerable.
So back to the whole "peace and hope" thing. From the moment I got the phone call regarding the MRI, I knew I would have almost four days of not knowing what they had found. Was it MS? Was it a tumor? Of course these thoughts hit me instantly. But then other thoughts made their way into my heart, courtesy of the boy who stole my heart. On the phone, he reminded me of three things: 1) None of this surprises God, 2) None of this changes our focus or our faith, no matter the diagnosis, and 3) He will receive the glory through this entire situation.
I dwelled on these truths the whole weekend. I slowed down and played with and snuggled my munchkins just a little tighter. I received numerous calls and texts full of sweet encouragement. I relished being prayed over several times by my husband. But most of all, I felt the presence of my Father quite possibly more than I ever have. It was so tangible . . . so near and so precious.
This morning we saw Friday's MRI. It's hard to know whether the less-advanced technology only revealed a few lesions all those years ago, but now I have about a dozen lesions. Here is a picture of a few of them. The biggest one is the white spot to the right of middle. Oh hey, brain!
The neurologist said I don't have all the criteria that they use to diagnose MS, but the fact that the lesions are in the corpus callosum (between the two lobes) is a true marker for the disease. I'm basically tip-toeing over the line into MS territory.
I now have the option to start medicine or go the natural route. I'm leaning toward the latter, but I don't plan on rushing into that decision any time soon. He told me the typical pattern of MS is to experience flare-ups, and a lot of the time a patient goes back to baseline after each flare-up. It's when a flare-up doesn't allow you to get back to baseline is where true physical problems arise. And supposedly that's where the medicine can help. So we'll see.
As I've been doing more research today, I came across a site that listed some cognitive symptoms of MS. I almost gasped aloud at the first three: 1) word finding difficulty, 2) problems with multitasking, and 3) severe fatigue. I have experienced all three of those at some point in the last six months. The word issue is horrible. I can be looking right at an object, and the word for it is right on the tip of my tongue, but it takes a good 10 seconds or so for my brain to retrieve it for me. Makes me crazy!!
Time will tell how this disease plays out in my body. I do know that I am already eating a MS-friendly diet of no dairy, no grains, very limited sugar, and lots of fruit and veggies. I'm thankful that I don't have to undergo an entire diet modification. The goal is to eliminate inflammatory foods, and that's what I've been doing for a long time to rid my body of excess estrogen. Now I know it's been good for my MS, too.
So that's it, my story in a nutshell. Today I can tell you I am thankful for life, for health, for my family and friends, and for a Savior who knows me and calls me His own. He's got this. #grateful
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